My Secret Self is an internalised story of my life, and my impressions of the world around me. I kept my views of that world, and of other people, a secret. I felt misunderstood. If I shared my views, I felt I'd be laughed at. I would keep my biggest secret, a secret. I saw magic in nature, and nature could be trusted to support me in my times of trouble.
Our family lived only as individuals; we lived in a world of pretence, lies, shame, guilt, and conditionings, under a grief imposed on us. Innocence was lost due to the manipulations of my grandmother, through her fears of being isolated.
As I observed these people, I knew my life would be different. I coped by observing others and realising this is not how a family should be.
Cowin, Christine U.: - I grew up on a farm in Australia. I was one of three siblings. In my young childhood, I encountered sexual abuse by my father. My mother found out when I was eleven and seemed to think it was my fault. This caused me a lot of pain and isolation. I found it very difficult to make friends. I went through high school experiencing some good times and some difficult times. In my last years of high school, I decided to discipline myself and studied hard to pass with good marks. I would have loved to have continued on at school; however it was not in my parent's vision. I married early, had two children reared them, and they made their way in life. I divorced my husband to realise my life's dream. I wanted to travel but I never thought I could financially. I worked, bought my own home, and had many, many friends. I was always helping others but I couldn't solve my own issues. I studied at the Esoteric College in my home town. Here I had the opportunity to open myself fully to my spiritual self. Through this college, I was able to journey overseas to study in Italy. When I was making arrangements to go to Egypt, before we went to Italy, I remembered where I had to go: Turkey. In 1984, after seeing this fishing village in Turkey in a magazine, I thought I had to go there. The memories came flooding back and so I went to Egypt and to Italy, left the group and got on a train from Rome to Brindisi in Italy to catch a ferry boat to Samos, then on to Turkey. On touching Turkish soil, I knew I'd come home. After a long month travelling around Turkey knowing it like the back of my hand, I sold all I owned in Australia in 2002 and went back to Turkey to live, not knowing what would unfold for me there. I just followed my spirit and went. There I re-lived my life, awakened. In Turkey, I didn't feel lost, misunderstood or angry. I felt I had purpose and direction. I learned to feel and be in my body, and I was not sailing through life. I had many experiences, met many people, and formed strong friendships. I was very popular there and learned many things. I learnt I had to write my life story. I had to re-live my life, from age 7 through to my present age at that time, to write this story. Later on, I had to either study to get my Celta Certificate to teach English, or go home. Because I was short of money, I decided to return home. As I prepared to return home to Australia, I began to get angry. In 2008 I returned to Australia and all those lost, misunderstood, and no-direction feelings, and feelings of unhappiness, returned. Now I had to unravel myself on a deeper level to unlock the secrets within me that were holding me back from stepping into the life I should be living. That process would take me another 10 years. In 2018 I unlocked an unknown mystery that had me chained to fear, stopping me from moving forward, achieving my dreams, and living my true life's purpose. My books are a series. I invite you to walk with me as I journey into my secret self, expose those secrets, move into my truth, and live my true life.
