This book contains the essentials of Parenting Without Anger, a workshop I conducted in 2016 for parents in Singapore.It is based, not on whims and empty theories, but my very own painstaking trial-and-error experience: from parenting with anger, to parenting with understanding. What I have found to be the best solution is to deal with my own self first and foremost. Without needing to learn how to deal with children. Deal with your very own anger and you shall automatically know how to deal with children. When you have anger issues (depending on your anger type) your mind is clouded with having to simultaneously deal in two different subjects: your emotions and your child. This can be overwhelming and usually, as parents, we would settle with whatever works. This "whatever works" approach, for parents who have underlying unresolved emotional issues, can be harmful for both the parent and the child - the reason why abusive parenting such as caning is rampant in Asia. To most Asians, beating the kids up "works". This book challenges the false dictum "spare the rod, spoil the child" [which supports and even applauds caning of children] by inviting parents to resolve their anger issues before attempting to fix their children's behaviour. I am the parent who had been parenting with the third state of anger (discussed in the book). This anger type is nasty. But I kept trying to mend it by fixing my child's behaviour. After applying various methods in dealing with children's behavior, I found that the real solution was in the cause of the problem itself: me. Not my kids. A lot of techniques and solutions out there teach how to deal with children's behavior - how to MAKE THEM behave as WE WANT them to. This book is different. Based on my own experience as an angry bird parent - yes, I looked like the angry monster on the cover page - I found that once my anger problem is removed, I suddenly know how to deal with children without anger. I discovered that the best solution is by clearing the blockages to parenting with understanding, apart from the blockages to love, rather than trying to fill ourselves with techniques on how to fix the behaviour of another. This is not an opinion-based parenting book, but a tried and tested experience coupled with ample research, after years of failed attempts in applying whatever techniques given by counselors, psychologists, and religious or spiritual gurus. The solution begins with UNDERSTANDING your type of anger before resolving it, by taking the first right step to overcome your particular type of anger. For over 5 years, the anger monster in me - who got angry at the slightest provocation - is nowhere to be found. It has totally disappeared. Gone forever. Coming from Asia, I was one of those who believe that 'scaring' children with anger - in order to ensure they behave FOR US - is acceptable and even commendable. At the same time, stories of broken children and adults who are still living with the adverse effects of abusive parenting made me realise that if parents work on resolving their own anger, or any underlying emotional issues causing it, the number of domestic and child abuse cases would slowly but surely decline. It is my hope that this book will inspire parents, especially in Asia, who are well known for their traditional "caning superpower", to transform themselves and be the light towards bringing this dark practice to a closure.
