From preparation and patience to pooping and lying, this is the Fine Print to make you a better and happier father.
Fathering is trial and error, not a science with definitive answers. This is a digestible book - with short chapters, frequent paragraph breaks, and white space - containing things I've noticed, have found work or don't work, and recommend as worth trying to other fathers.
Preparation: "Remember how hard it was being a kid. It's the only true form of mental preparation. When adults tell kids how 'good they have it, ' they're really saying how good a kid's life looks to them, now an adult."
Trusting Farts: "From day one through toddlerhood, when your kid farts, never assume it's only a fart. Check their diaper or underwear immediately. If you don't check, and it's more than a fart, it could be catastrophic."
Lying: "Fifty percent of fathering is good lying. But not just effectively lying; it's also knowing when to lie, how long to carry the lie, and not caring how idiotic some of your lies are."
Sudden Refusal: "Children pull this shit all the time. Brushing their teeth, washing their hands, buckling their seat belt. There's no reasoning. And there's only one option: Force. No one wins when a toothbrush is forced into a four-year-old's mouth. This will continue until they simply decide otherwise. That might be one day or four days but then it returns five days later, five weeks later, or five months later."
Travel: "Travel is harder, more expensive, and more aggravating with children. But braving the storm and getting your ass kicked in a cloud of smoke is worth it."
Choices: "I give forth the illusion of choice on a daily basis. Not because I wish to control my daughters' choices and consequences, but because they are not yet intellectually capable of making every choice and because they need to understand we don't get choices for every single thing."
Blown Away: "I've noticed that getting kids to enjoy OK or pretty good things helps aid happiness and manage expectations. If they're only chasing and enjoying things that blow them away, that's the standard."
Pick Your Battles: "In each case, ask yourself if you'll win the battle, if it's worth winning the battle, and even if you win the battle, will the kid understand the point? They may lose the battle and be incapable of understanding it. Picking the wrong battle can be a costly unforced error. Always know the stakes and prepare accordingly when entering a battle."
Good Kid, Bad Choice: "This is an opportunity to tell your kid they're a good kid. They need to know they're a good kid who made a bad choice. And you need to tell them repeatedly so they believe it. Kids are easily impressionable; nine reminders they're a good kid could be blown to bits by one classmate saying they don't like them."
Winning & Losing: "Racing your kid down the sidewalk is never just a race. Are you planning to win or lose? How close should it be? Should you kick her ass, win by a hair, tie, lose by a hair, or get your ass kicked?"
Let Them Help: "Most kids want to help. Are they truly helping? Rarely . . . I've found allowing children to help - and often asking for their help, especially with big tasks that make them feel needed, e.g., building a bunk bed or painting the laundry room wall - not only makes them happy but also builds on the natural intrinsic motivation."
Pooping: "Poop horror stories age like nothing else. But that doesn't make them any less horrifying in the moment . . . And if there is an accident, the kid can't know how bad it is. Keep your composure, put on a brave face, and be a champion. You also need to be a champion for your bladder and bowel control."
